At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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