Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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