Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize