laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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