I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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