i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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