I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize