So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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