And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize