lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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