His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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