he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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