i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize