NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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