my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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