Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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