Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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