Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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