...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
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You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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