It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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