He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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