i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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