Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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