So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize