the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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