Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cockslap morals
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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