New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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