So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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