if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize