so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize