Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize