Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
