do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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