you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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