1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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