i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
