Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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