hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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