Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
