It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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