he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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