remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize