fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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