Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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