Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize