Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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