I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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