You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize