carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize