i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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