I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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