the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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